MaLIEsian AirLIEs

Note: This article is not intended to hurt anyone’s sentiments. My prayers go out to the victims of Flight MH370 and their grieving families. The purpose of this write-up is to mock the people who have bungled up this search operation so bad with their lies, their incredulous theories, and all the withholding of vital information and backtracking on statements, turning it into the biggest farce of the 21st century. I’m talking to you, secretive Malaysian investigation in-charges. To you trashy two-bit tabloid writers, and to self-appointed Nancy Drews and Hardy Boys crowding the www, who are deriving a major kick by sensationalizing this tragedy. Stop floating ridiculous and preposterous ideas. Your speculations don’t amount to proof. Enough is enough! Give us the whole truth or nothing at all!

Just where IS Malaysian Airlines’ Flight 370???

From malevolent aliens abducting the big bird ๐Ÿ˜ฏ to a wannabe-Bermuda triangle in the South China Sea walloping the aircraft ๐Ÿ™„ , from J.J. Abrams masterminding the disappearance to promote a forthcoming installment of LOST ๐Ÿ˜€ to the tragedy not occuring at all, it being a figment of someone’s fertile imagination, ๐Ÿ˜ฎ , the theories have gotten more outlandish with every ticking minute.

The world, especially the World Wide Web, has taken to playing Eenie Meenie Myna Moe in a big way. Each day, the needle of suspicion points to either of the following:

A. An otherwise gay (pun intended!)captain who suddenly felt not-so-gay and turned suicidal.

B. The roving-eyed co-pilot who enjoyed a good fag and maybe a shag? in the cockpit

C. Mario Balotelli’s estranged brothers from Iran ๐Ÿ˜† , and

D. Mangosteen boxes jostling for space in the hold and waging war against the lithium-ion cargo, thereby triggering World War III in the hatch below! ๐Ÿ˜€

IMHO, the Malaysian authorities are pulling off a mean Jim Carey. Dumb and dumber…you get it? ๐Ÿ˜‰ They seem more clueless than Alicia Silverstone in the movie by the same name ๐Ÿ˜† First, they said nothing hazardous was on the flight. Then, they contradict themselves by admitting to highly inflammable lithium-ion batteries being a part of the cargo.
China-provided satellite imagery of debris in the waters was rubbished by them as ‘ a mistake’. Now, it’s one of the few leads they have that they consider worthy of exploring.
Multiple eyewitnesses on Kuda Huvadhoo, an obscure island in The Maldives, claimed to have spotted a low-flying jumbo jet with red-and-blue stripes on the tail akin to Malaysian Airlines’ logo. But the islanders were immediately shushed and their tip discounted.
The Telegraph recently published the transcript of the last 54 minutes of communication with the missing flight but the Malaysians have dismissed it as being ‘a false report.’
Guys, there’s something called checking and crosschecking your facts before you address the world. You can’t just shoot blindly in the dark, hoping to crack this case with the wildest of speculations and the most embarrassing of refutations.
No wonder empty water bottles are being hurled at their thick skulls when they take to the podium to make bigger asses of themselves!

In all this hullabaloo, we still aren’t anywhere close to what really transpired. And the relatives of the passengers on the ill-fated flight continue to drown in a sea of sorrow and confusion.

So, what’s MH370’s real story? Now, reports have surfaced of it going ‘Down Under.’ Literally! Given that Australia is busy scouring choppy waters upto 7000 m deep in the Southern Ocean and its treacherously-sloping floor with a fine-tooth comb!

Australia has only recently taken on the reins of the marine investigation and PM Tony Abbott’s forthrightness so early on in the search efforts is indeed refreshing for a change. Rather courageous to propose that the flotsam possibly belongs to the missing plane, his comments provide a great fillip to the hitherto-disoriented investigation. It’s been a couple of days since he issued that sound byte and he hasn’t resorted to reneging on what he says like the Malays. That the Chinese and the French have reiterated that they too have sighted what the Aussies have, in more or less the same area, lends tremendous credence to the Australian premier’s beliefs.

For the first time in all these weeks have I noticed people concurring and cooperating in this global search operation. That the US, the UK and China are giving the search in the turbulent Southern waters their all, pumping every resource they have and braving every odd ( Read Cyclone Gillian) in one of the remotest and inhospitable places on earth, makes me hopeful the world is about to achieve closure soon. Amen to that!

Mind-blowing sand art tribute by artist Sudarsan Pattnaik on Puri Beach, Orissa. Image Courtesy: www.made by Malaysians.tumble.com

Mind-blowing sand-art tribute by artist Sudarsan Pattnaik on Puri Beach, Orissa. Image Courtesy: http://www.madebymalaysians.tumblr.com

Si-king the Sea King!

If you’re one of those who has always dreamt of a gorgeous beach wedding in the exotic Italian Riviera, it’s time you revamped the dream a wee bit. Imagine how terribly exciting it’d be, not to mention unique, if you and your partner dove to the depths of the sea with a minister in tow to take your vows ๐Ÿ˜ฏ All in the presence of an irrefutable witness. The Messiah towering over you, no less!!!

Flabbergasted? ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ You’d better be! Submerged in the azure waters of the Ligurian Sea is a life-sized sculpture of The Christ, some two and a half metres tall, with its hands pointed heavenwards as if issuing a blessing. Commissioned by the Costa family, the statue was erected on 22 August 1954 in the exact same spot that Dario Gonzatti, the first Italian to use SCUBA Gear, lost his life in an unfortunate diving accident 7 years earlier.

Christ of the Abyss, as ace sculptor Guido Galletti’s labor of love is famously known as, is quite the tribute of love . Its bronze reportedly has been sourced from the metal of ships that met a fate comparable to the Titanic, and by melting the bells and medals of seafarers, Olympians who shone in water sport events and soldiers who were slain in combats at sea.

With His affinity for the Seas, (Jesus still holds the record for being the only one to walk on choppy waters, He befriended men of the sea during His lifetime and astonishingly converted water into wine), it comes as little surprise that The Christ completed a Golden Jubilee underwater! The figure had to be hauled up in 2003 for extensive restoration. An anchor had uprooted one of its hands while marine flora and fauna had nearly crucified Him yet again!

But He’s back to the place He calls home, all shiny and inviting! Summer’s a good time to visit. The annual Festa del Cristo degli Abissi is observed in the last week of July with a torchlit Mass celebrated on the beach followed by an underwater procession to place floral arrangements as a thanksgiving offering at the feet of the Protector. You could also hop aboard a gondola and peek into the waters for a glimpse of the adoration. How surreal is that?!?

The next time you order a sinful pizza and your affable Italian waiter nods animatedly with a Si, remember there’s more to the word than meets the eye…and ears!!! ๐Ÿ˜€ You will most definitely need to head to the Si…erm Sea ๐Ÿ˜€ and invoke all the divine blessings possible to stave off the undesirable effect of those killer calories!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

QUICK FACTS:

What: An 8-and-a-half-foot-tall bronze likeness of Christ

Where: Erected at the 18 metre water mark in the Ligurian Sea off the bay of San Fruttuoso. Between Camogli and Portofino on the Italian Riviera

When: The latter half of July when the statue is commemorated in a grand underwater ceremony.

For Whom: Do you really want me to answer this one? ๐Ÿ™„

Image Courtesy: turnbacktogod.com

Image Courtesy: turnbacktogod.com

Image Courtesy: turnbacktogod.com

Image Courtesy: turnbacktogod.com

Image Courtesy: liguriaslow.it

Image Courtesy: liguriaslow.it

Image Courtesy: liguriaslow.it

Image Courtesy: liguriaslow.it

Image Courtesy: turnbacktogod.com

Image Courtesy: turnbacktogod.com

Buckle Up Folks!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard Mufthansa! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†ย The ONLY airline to whisk you away to offbeat and drop-dead-gorgeous locales across the globe for FREE!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

So take your pick guys. Here’s to rocking vacations at shocking destinations! ๐Ÿ˜‰

sardines